


Coming Down

by ChameleonCircuit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angry Kissing, Bane - freeform, Light Angst, M/M, barbone - Freeform, coarse language, love declaration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChameleonCircuit/pseuds/ChameleonCircuit
Summary: “I’m in love with you,” Rafael said suddenly, the waver in his voice the only thing betraying his fear. “So I deflect, and I drink before I see you, and I try and keep you at arm's length even while fucking you because I don’t want you to hurt me. I don’t even want to give you the opportunity.”Peter’s stomach swooped at the declaration, and he swallowed the surge of fear that ran through him. “So why are you telling me if you’re scared to let me in?”





	Coming Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Transdodds](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transdodds/gifts).



> This is unbeta'd. Just a silly little tumblr prompt that got out of hand. I dunno what it is about this ship, but they always seem to have a mind of their own.
> 
> http://sofuckingchuffed.tumblr.com/post/178622336687/im-in-love-with-you-but-i-dont-want-you-to-hurt

Rafael’s eyes were glassy and his smile was loose in a way that indicated Rafael was at least four drinks in, and Peter felt a flash of disappointment as he realized, just once, he’d been hoping for an easy night. No drinking in excess, no rushed, frenzied sex. Just a few drinks, some flirting, something slow and languid, and a body to curl up next to afterward.

Before he’d even consciously made the decision, Peter turned to leave.

“Where are you going?” Rafael asked with a sly grin, grabbing Peter by the wrist. “I thought we had plans.”

Peter sighed, slipping his wrist out of Rafael’s grasp, letting his fingers glide across his palm, curling at the fingertips before letting go completely.

“I thought we had plans too,” Peter said, tone more blunt than he’d intended.

Rafael frowned, confusion clouding his eyes as he reached for Peter’s hand. “What have I done?”

“Nothing,” Peter sighed, squeezing Rafael’s hand before once again letting go, this time moving out of arm's reach. “But I can’t keep doing this.”

Rafael scoffed. “Doing what? You started this.

“I know. I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t intend—“ he broke off with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He hadn’t intended to develop feelings. He hadn’t intended for Rafael to be the one thing that made him feel as though he could build himself back up, that he was worth that much to begin with. Rafael was blunt and honest, soft and kind when absolutely necessary, but he never coddled. He’d become a haven, a beacon of normalcy, a source of strength and a reminder not to let himself drown, all wrapped into one, and before he’d realized what was happening, before he could stop it, he’d gone and fallen in love. What a stupid thing to do.

Rafael’s eyes had gone soft, head tilted to the side, and Peter felt suddenly too exposed, too seen, and he turned away, turned to leave, but Rafael stopped him again. Instead of pulling him back, Rafael led him by the hand, weaving through the bar until they were out on the street. He kept walking, dragging Peter along behind him until they were in an alleyway half a block away, the noise of the city sounding worlds away.

“I’m in love with you,” Rafael said suddenly, the waver in his voice the only thing betraying his fear. “So I deflect, and I drink before I see you, and I try and keep you at arm's length even while fucking you because I don’t want you to hurt me. I don’t even want to give you the opportunity.”

Peter’s stomach swooped at the declaration, and he swallowed the surge of fear that ran through him. “So why are you telling me if you’re scared to let me in?”

Rafael took a deep breath before taking a step forward, eyes bright with determination. Peter could smell the scotch on him, a smell he’d come to identify purely with Rafael above anything else, and he felt a pang in his chest.

“Because you were going to walk away from me, and I can’t have that,” Rafael said softly, sly little grin back in place as he reached out to let his fingertips ghost along the side of Peter’s hand.

“So you only choose to love me when it suits you?” Peter scoffed, unsure where his anger was coming from. “Good to know. Thanks, but no thanks.”

He turned to walk away, but Rafael’s hand grabbed his arm, firm this time, not asking him to stay, but forcing him in place.

“You’re a goddamn idiot, you know that?” Rafael shouted, face twisted with poorly disguised hurt. “I tell you I love you and it’s not good enough because it’s not on your terms? Fuck you.”

“Fuck you,” Peter shot back, pitch matching Rafael’s as he shook himself from his grip, hands balled into fists.

“Oh, yeah,” Rafael scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Very mature.”

“God,” Peter breathed out with a humorless laugh, a bitter smile forming on his face. “You’re such an ass.”

“You started this,” Rafael repeated his earlier sentiment, this time angry, this time hurting. “You kept coming to me, pushing your way in, leaving pieces of yourself behind without a care for what it might do to me. You only ever thought about yourself, about what you wanted, what you needed.

“That’s rich coming from you,” Peter shot back, bitter smile turning into a feral grin as he loomed over Rafael, crowding into his space.

“I never tried to pretend I was anything different. I never said I was anything less than a broken, bitter old man.

“I wasn’t pretending either!” Peter shouted, and Rafael flinched away from him, causing a surprising pang of guilt deep in his stomach.

Rafael’s eyes were wide, and he suddenly looked small, and Peter felt sick as he backed down. He never wanted to see that look on Rafael’s face again, never wanted to be the cause of that kind of sudden fear again.

An apology was on the tip of his tongue when Rafael surged forward, grabbing him by his collar, dragging him down into a rough kiss. For a moment, he was shocked, could barely respond as Rafael’s lips pressed insistently against his own. But he quickly melted into it, quickly pulled Rafael in close, hands gripping his hips like he would float away is Peter let go.

He opened his mouth instantly when Rafael’s tongue flicked out, granting him entrance as he backed Rafael against the wall a little too hard, capturing Rafael’s breath as he thudded against the wall. Suddenly, he couldn’t get enough, all that hurt and anger turning to lust, to want, to need as his hands tried to cover every inch of Rafael.

When they finally broke apart for breath, both panting, foreheads resting together, Rafael laughed, a soft, unexpected thing that had Peter’s lips twitching upward at the sound.

“For a moment I thought you were going to hit me,” Rafael murmured, sounding breathless, and Peter felt another pang of guilt.

“So you kissed me?” He teased, somehow unable to form an apology as guilt swirled in his stomach. He would have pulled away if Rafael hadn’t been holding him so firmly.

Rafael laughed, shaking his head. “No. I kissed you because I realized you never would.”

Peter frowned, pulling back just enough to look at Rafael’s face, searching for answers. Instead, all he got was a smile, quite possibly the most genuine smile he’d ever seen on Rafael’s face, wide and beaming and happy in a way that only confused Peter.

“You’re such a fucking idiot,” he muttered, tone fond this time, before pressing a kiss to Rafael’s forehead. “I love you too.”

“I know,” Rafael said with a small nod, closing his eyes. “That’s what scares me senseless.”

The admission had Peter relaxing completely for what felt like the first time in months, maybe even years. Rafael’s grip on him loosened, his hands slipping under Peter’s jacket, delicate now, not urgent, as thumbs brushed lightly over his shirt, pressing soothing circles into his hips.

He breathed out a long, slow breath, letting his forehead fall against Rafael’s again as he cupped Rafael’s head, thumb brushing along his jawline.

“Come home with me,” he whispered, tone just shy of begging despite being almost certain of the answer.

“Yes,” Rafael whispered, pressing another, much softer kiss to Peter’s lips. “Please.”


End file.
